Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
