when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
