Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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