i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize