I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
