please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
