I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
