It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
