don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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