she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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