If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
