I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
