sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
