Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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