We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
