Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
