and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
