Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
