I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
did i walk over a car last night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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