Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
