Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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