I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
