We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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