the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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