Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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