Where is the hickey?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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