I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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