Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
