i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
