Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
