Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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