i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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