then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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