Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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