i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
