There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
