I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
