How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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