Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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