Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
