Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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