Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
