first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think i got beer on your cat.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
