He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My ass is underappreciated
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
