She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
