he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
