I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
