you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
