She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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