sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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