id be glad to
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
