Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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