they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
