i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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