how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
