You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
