There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
