it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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