I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
