Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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