Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You pole danced in your parka.
this is an emotional support booty call
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
